First Fall Day

Today we got a little autumn teaser with a wake up temp at 41 degrees Fahrenheit. I love Fall. I love everything about Fall. The colors, the crisp air, the deep blue skies, the smells, the foods, the holidays are all so intense and flavorful. Plus, I can wear a hoodie!! I hate being hot. My children endearingly refer to me as the Queen of Narnia. I embrace the title. The beginning of colder weather makes me think of snow and I love snow. I remember when I was a child just feeling pure joy at the mere possibility of snowfall.  I would shove my feet in my moonboots, run outside and stay out there until I was soaked and freezing. Only then would I come back inside. 

I believe it was in 1978, but dates have never been my thing, when we had my big childhood blizzard. A few feet of snow fell not just our normal three to five inches. The kids in the neighborhood and I made igloos, and had the best snowball fights. We made huge snowmen and our parents weren't able to make it in to work so my father joined in on the fun. My dad had a huge diesel work truck that would drive through anything so he tied and enormous rope to the back and tied it to a sled and an if I remember correctly, an inner tube. Once it got dark my parents hopped in the front and my sister and I hopped on the sleds. My dad drove around everywhere in our town. Three things I remember:

1. When the truck stops, the sled doesn't.
2. When the truck turns hold on as tight as you can and you can potentially go up over curbs coming alarmingly damn close to telephone poles. 
3. Bright red snow suits are easier to see when you have fallen off the sled unlike the white one your older sister is wearing. 

I loved hearing my father laugh. His loud boisterous laugh lit up the night. I know my mother had to have been scared to death!!! Looking back at it as a parent, I would have adamantly refused to let my kids do that. It also makes me look at what I say no to and adds hesitation. Sure, it was dangerous, but my Dad would have never let us get hurt and it is such a fond memory for me. 

My parents =)

The Eyes Have It or Its all in How You Look at it.

Good Morning. I do believe today will be a good day. There is not anything special going on but I am trying that whole positive attitude thing. It seems i have been a bit grumpy at the earlier days in the week, especially Tuesday but everybody knows that Tuesday is a bitch anyway so it's justified. (Sorry to anyone whose actual name is Tuesday, you're not a bitch, just the day you are named after)

When I am trying to boost myself out of a stuck-in-a-rut like funk,  I have two ways of doing it. The first way is simple. I simply look at all of the stuff I have, a great family that extends to a frickin fantastic group of friends who I consider family, a good paying job that has the potential to lead to great things, and a beautiful house (a smallish townhouse but nonetheless cozy and loving) in a great neighborhood. Blah blah blah, great things great things...so yea, I am spoiled. Focusing on the charmed existence I lead usually lifts my spirits.

The second way to deefunk is to play a game. I love games...PC, console, board, card, dice, and rpg alike. Does not matter if it is by myself or with others. Lately, time sucks and my computer blew up. Well, not blew up literally, but it is fatally injured. In it's defense, it is old. I believe it may be coming up on 7 years. I know, I know LAME! Don't worry, i have been specing out my dream computer which, if i am lucky, I will be able to purchase by graduation in May.

Korben's 13th Birthday

Story time: Another thing I like to do is reminisce about times that make me laugh and the other day a few friends and I were talking about how I wake my children up with singing and  a flaming cake on their birthdays. It is obnoxious and loud with camera flashes filing the room and i have pictures of each of my kids with this WTF look on their faces barely able to open their eyes. Happy Birthday!! It's 6 AM your room is filled with people and we are off key and taking pictures of your reaction. Any how, talking about that made me think of my childhood and Christmas morning. My parents had a super 8 home movie camera when my sister and i were young. Every Christmas eve, my sister and i would sleep in the same room and basically bounce off the walls with anticipation until the morning. We would yell for my parents at o'dark thirty and then my parents, who had probably just gone to bed mere hours before, would call my Grandparents to come over to witness the present massacre.

We would wait in my sister's room, opening the presents that Santa left in our stockings. Once my Grandparents arrived we were allowed to run into the living room and check out the loot. As punishment for our 5 AM parental sleep disturbance, out came the super 8. Holy Hell that light was bright! My corneas were searing in pain!! As each gift was opened, my mom would say, "show it to the camera, dear." My parents have years and years of film of my sister and I holding up new crochet sweaters like criminals in the light of the helicopter with our arms up and eyes squinting almost shut, smiling as big as we could in the circumstances. It makes me giggle just thinking about it and I hope my kiddos can look back on their birthday flaming cake wake up and know they were loved.

Hump day, oh dear beloved reality of the Monday through Friday nine to five office worker, i do believe you are in cahoots with Chronos. This extra time does not feel like a gift. It feels slow and unproductive. It feels stale, like expired wheat thins and there is no pub cheese to be found. 

Alas, my midweek tormentor, you can not last forever and soon I will be one day closer to Friday. 

WTF, Tuesday??!!

Tuesday, what the hell? Seriously Tuesday, lately you have been far worse than Monday. Monday allows me to remain in a zombie-like state. Monday = auto-pilot. But Tuesday, you are kicking my ass! It is probably because everyone else in the world finally wakes up out of their Monday fog. I don't want to be in Tuesday hell.

Why are people morons? Seriously, i want to know why? Case in point, a person with a lot of followers on a social media site posts a picture. The picture is obviously Photoshopped. The fact that it is Photoshopped is what is funny about it. It is a person who in the original picture is holding something large and the large item has been replaced with about 20 or so kittens. Someone almost immediately posts, "that is lame and Photoshopped...badly! minus 1"  Obviously, you moron, that is the freakin point. Who died and made you the moderator of what is good and bad on the internet??!!

Crap like this totally gets under my skin and is probably yet another good reason that i have never become famous. Does it make this person feel powerful and important? Does it make them feel happy inside? Everyone appreciates different things. I am not saying that people do not have the right to look at something and feel that it is lame but why do they have to take another person down and proclaim it is lame?  Just skip over it!!! Ignore it. Put the mouse and keyboard down and walk away slowly. Like Thumper said, "If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all."

A little bit of random

     Tons of cool shit on the internet!!!!! Seriously, how deestracting is the world nowadays? Today I found zombie garden gnomes, Schweddy balls Ben and jerry's ice cream; the Five Stages of Star Wars Revisionism Fan Grief and a coffee press that doubles as a bicep work out.  It is all over the map with no rhyme or reason. You can stalk your favorite anybody, from artists to authors and everywhere in your importance spectrograph. What makes me laugh the most is when a celebrity posts something, the hordes fans actually think that celebrity gives a shite about their comment on the post. Don't get me wrong, I know there are some celebrities that do read a few comments. I guess my bitter side likes to shoot hopes down and crush the dreams of others sometimes. I just believe that this social networking gives the fans this unrealistic veil of closeness. It makes me wonder why there hasn't been a rise in stalking related crime.

     Every day you get to hear a good morning from this celebrity, check out a mobile phone shot of that celebrity and even sometimes you get to see amusing banter between celebrities via their twitter feeds. It’s a great hook that I have bitten several times. You almost feel like you could message back about how it made you laugh or what not. Yea, you and thousands of their other fans. I am positive they have that shit turned off! or even better, they have someone else, like their assistant, reading it and only forwarding the 1 or 2 they should retweet to keep up that, "yes I am really reading this shit" facade.

     Yea I know, bitter. I do bitter with a smile though and the hope that I am wrong. I leave you with this banter between David and me:


me: Sweaty Balls!!!!!Schweddy Balls Ice Cream: Yes, It's Real!

David: oh google your advertising so funny

(print screen circled by David)

me: What i think is hilarious is that they are advertising vanilla bean ice cream and local nannies
me: oh, and diabetes....because of the Nannies of course

David: ayup

Click, click, boom

I wonder what makes it click in someone’s head to say, "Fuck it" and live their dream. There was a time in my life when I was going to be famous. I was going to be the next big thing, the next voice the world loved and adored. I can remember the click for me when I first doubted, when I let another person's words creep into my dream. I look back on it now, at the seeds of doubt that were sewn, and I realize it was deliberate. This person was my teacher, my mentor. He had been in the "business" since he was 19. He struggled, starved, and dreamed but wound up teaching brats. They were Brats with parents that had money to burn. They were Brats with entitlement and no real dose of reality. He had to test the thickness of our skin, to test our resolve, see how much it mattered. Some caved immediately, some of us kept going for a while but the tree of insecurity and anxiety grew inside of us. It grabbed a hold of me and planted itself deeply and eventually consumed me. Each new leaf, each new branch of my tree made the base that much bigger than before. I stopped singing but kept smiling so no one would notice. Some just kept marching on and they are still fighting for their dream. They reached that, "Fuck it" point. I am jealous in a lot of ways. I let me get me. I still wonder how their click happened and how I missed it.

if a blog falls in the woods.....

I deecided that i am going to throw caution to the wind and just write. Maybe someday I will have followers but for now, at least there is no audience for me to anxiously fear will deescover my incompetent writing abilities. I begin with a story about me an my sister.

First of all, my sister is gorgeous. She is a mixture of Meg Ryan, Kelly Ripa, and the actress who played Sara Conner in the terminator movies. Dammit all, i can not remember her name (LINDA HAMILTON! that's her name btw!), but anyway. She, my sister,  has always been picture perfect, athletic, way above average intelligence and talented. My skill has always been to make people smile. Ask anyone who knows me. I make people feel comfortable, safe, and for lack of a better word, entertained. I have always been round, dimpled cheeks and all which made it difficult for people to take my heavy metal, punk ass seriously.  I was the girl who was "awwww, you're cute" like a puppy or a kitten. No matter how high i teased my hair or how short or tight i wore my clothes, i was still, "just adorable."

Not my sister, homecoming queen and cheerleader, she had stunning green eyes, perfect body, and hair like Stevie Nicks in the 80's. I would get comments like, " YOU are Lisa's Sister???!!! You don't look a thing like her!" With my chub, thick glasses and awkwardness, i would smile and that endeared, oh-she-is-as-cute-as-a-little-ewok look would wash over them. Oh, and i could sing. At least i think i could sing. I look at  American idol now and i see all of those people who truly think they can sing and i wonder if i was one of those but anyway, people told me i could sing.

Just so you know, I love my sister a whole big bunch. Sure, she tormented me and we fought as children but she is an amazing friend, mom and human being.  She has struggled with her perfections. In the words of Ani Difranco, "cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room." It's true, she suffered a lot of torture from the jealous girls around her which has left it's mark even today rearing it's ugly head in her anxiety. One of my fondest childhood memories is when i would get to sleep in my sisters room. She is four and a half years older than me so when she would let me hang out with her, it was always a dream come true. We would giggle, she would share the secrets of the older set. I would feel so special. When she would finally fall asleep, i would just lay there silently, way too excited to close my eyes. I am sure my poor mom had to deal with a sleepless bear the next day and that is probably why it didn't happen very much. When we had our little mini-sleepovers, my sister and i,  that is when we forged our friendship. Even though we are over 6,000 miles away from each other, i think of her everyday. I hope someday in our old age we will be able to live near one another and together we can yell, "get off my lawn!" and shake our canes in our plastic lawn chairs like Mrs. Georgiana.

That is it, the first entry. I have officially blogged. It was fun :)

Holy Hell I am boring. I have been trying to write something on here for weeks. I do believe school may be slowly extracting all creativity from my brain. 9 more months and I give birth to a BS in HRM. Apparently I have been gestating for 10 years. This bachelors baby better be huge and worth it. I originally went to the school of real life and fast money and earned a certificate in Hand to Mouth living. My reward for choosing that road is stories, really awesome stories but now I have to think about getting old, comfortably. Don't get me wrong, I will still party like a rock star, continue to be a total geek, and enjoy my life. Hopefully I will be able to share my stories here, past and present, for those who care to listen.

the beginning stages of my back piece